Tie Vote

With all of the possible earth-shattering problems our legislature has to deal with, the guys up in Santa Fe had to spend some of the limited time they have - our legislature meets only once a year for one or two months depending on the color of the chiles - get this: They had to vote on whether to allow members to wear bolo ties.

I don't frickin' (to use a good gubernatorial adjective, noun, verb type word as established by Gov. Blago of IL) care whether they tie a dang rope around their necks. Or maybe they should, and jump off a chair with the other end tied to . . . oh, never mind.

Just don't come around every January and pick my pocket for more money for such stupidity.

Nuff said.

Robbery Button

We've had so many bank robberies in Albuquerque that I had an idea; one that would help keep the general public safer and feeling more secure about going into a bank to transact business.

Why don't they just put a Bank Robbery button on the ATM? These bank robbers don't care whether they are photographed anyway, so why not? The robber could just stroll up and press the button. After the machine grinds out some hundred dollar bills, if that ain't enough, the button could be pressed again. They could put up a disclaimer that says anyone using the button will be prosecuted if caught.

That way us meek and mild New Mexicans won't have to worry about the guy in the baseball cap and sunglasses who is ignoring the security sign that they don't enforce anyway.

Just thinking.

Secretary Schmecretary

The news broke this afternoon, and all the kings horses . . . OH, nevermind.

It was reported this afternoon that NM Gov. Bill Richardson (who conveniently hadn't yet resigned his post as governor) has withdrawn his name from nomination as President-elect Obama's Secretary of Commerce. He expressed his concern for possibly slowing the confirmation process because of the on-going investigation into a pay-for-play allegation that is similar to, but does not exactly mirror, the Gov. Blago scandal in Illinois. The people of the State of New Mexico thank him for his concerns.

The bad news is that Gov. Richardson, unless the investigation succeeds in deposing him as governor, will serve out his term that ends in 2010. The good news is that he will have to stick around and deal with the consequences of his egregious spending spree on highway projects and commuter rail - projects that would not have been funded during his tenure had he not convinced the legislature to use non-recurring funds (which have dried up).

Pity the New Mexico taxpayer who will now have to foot the bill for completing some projects and subsidizing others.

And pity the poor Lt. Governor, Diane Denish, who was preparing to step into the office of governor in February, and who had to do the job without any thanks from Gov. Bill while he was off campaigning for President. (Hmmm, it seems he pulled out of that race just about when the investigation was started. Hummm!)

To be fair and balanced, Mr. Richardson asserts that he will be cleared of any wrongdoing, and no charges have actually been filed, no arrests have been made, and no indictments have been handed down. Driven snow, my boys! Driven snow.

The A List (and the B list and the Q list)

It was reported this past week that Albuquerque's list of "shovel-ready" projects for Mr. Obama's stimulus package is the fifth largest (dollar for dollar) in the nation. By population (last available figures), Albuquerque is the 32nd largest city, falling way behind others like Memphis that the average person (including Mayor Martin Chavez) would name as smaller on any impromptu list.

What is on the list is even more telling. Green initiative projects are at the top, but they are projects that will not generate any long-term jobs. Once a solar panel is in place, it doesn't need to employ anyone. Yes, a streetcar would generate jobs over the long term, if we could afford the yearly subsidy to pay for it. But our population just isn't large enough. Unlike other cities the size of good old ABQ, there is no surrounding ring of large suburbs to feed it and to feed a massive public transit infrastructure. It will be a long time, longer still in a recessive economy, before this is true.

In many ways, ABQ's list is truly a wish list. We wish we were larger and more prosperous then we are, but we are not. As one city counselor put it, we are confusing economic stimulus with Santa Claus.

Commerce Secretary?

Now that New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson has been nominated as Secretary of Commerce by the president-elect, we ask: How good has he been for commerce in New Mexico?

The largest new industry established in the state during his term as governor is Eclipse Aviation, which is in bankruptcy.

Through no effort of his own, we still have two national laboratories and an Intel plant. This can be credited to Sen. Pete Domenici and Congressman Heather Wilson, both not continuing in office.

We have the beginnings of a spaceport in southern N.M. Yeah! That's what I said. (Hope those little green guys have lots of exports.)

The N.M. Dept. of Transportation is out of cash. We needed a tax infusion for the commuter rail line to Santa Fe from Albuquerque. Road projects have been halted pending the next legislative session.

Let's stop and think about how the United States will look if the experience is similar.

Food Police

Alcalde Martin Chavez of Albuquerque has decided that vending machine food is bad for city employees. He wants the Cheetos taken out of the machines in favor of nuts and berries.

In a true demonstration of the Law of Unintended Consequences of Action By Idiot Politicians, this will take away the livelihood of blind people with no other skills to recommend them for re-employment. First, as you may guess, nobody is going to buy nuts and berries (healthy food) instead of a bag of Cheetos. When you want vending machine food you are not thinking how healthy you want it to make you. So nobody will buy the healthy foods. In fact, they are already right in there among the Cheetos, and nobody wants them now.

Second, the vending concessions are run by the local commission for the blind. So bingo, you have the Food Police (aka Martin Chavez) driving blind people into bankruptcy.

And what about the Alcalde? We haven't caught him yet eating nuts and berries, or riding his bicycle, for that matter. But he has been seen with his dog. We would like to know whether his dog would pick Cheetos over nut bars.

Stay tuned for a ban on trans fats. Pass the lard.

Left of Center

So many people drive left of center in New Mexico that it should have sister state status with the United Kingdom. Besides the spate of left of center accidents leaving dozens of people dead or in the hospital just this past summer, there is a more subtle tendency of all kinds of vehicular traffic to drift to the left. The highest propensity is among bicyclists using lanes painted on the right side of Albuquerque city streets. However, right turning motor vehicles often drift left of center as they turn right. Swing those Honda Civics wide, boys, they might not make it around that sharp corner. There's also that tendency among people driving extended cab, jacked up pickup trucks to drift left and hit median curbs, thereby rendering the front suspensions useless and causing any number of rollovers.

Too many people in New Mexico drift to the left. Perhaps this is a reflection on their political state, but these drivers deserve the Bit Off New Mexico salute.

What is the Bit Off New Mexico salute? You bite the tip off a green chile and hold it in your right hand with the bitten tip pointing up. You then gesture with your right hand as if you were going to stuff the chile up somebody's nostril.